Sweet Raptured Light
by mabaroshi16
Summary: Goku finally gets his memory back about the events in Gaiden and the love he had with Konzen. How will it affect his relationship with Sanzo? SanzoGoku GojyoHakkai COMPLETE
1. What was lost

A/N: I got this idea while reading the Gaiden mangas the other day, and I'm assuming that if you're reading this, you already know what happened in Gaiden. I took some license with it, so I guess it's slightly AU. This is a SanzoxGoku fic, so if you don't like that don't read it. ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, any similarities to any story is not intentional.  
  
'..' Signifies thoughts.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------  
  
Goku's eyes widened in shock as he looked at the face above him.  
  
"Konzen..."  
  
The man did not answer Goku. He merely coughed up blood from the attack he had just taken.  
  
"Konzen!"  
  
He collapsed on top of Goku, no longer able to support his own weight.  
  
"Konzen! Konzen!"  
  
His eyes slowly opened and he gazed for the last time at the one who he loved. "Wait for me, Goku. I'll come back to you. Just...wait..."  
  
"KONZEN!!!!"  
  
The boy continued screaming oblivious of his surroundings. A few feet away the lifeless bodies of Kenren and Tenpou lay together, a testament to the battle that had just taken place.  
  
Litouten surveyed the scene happily. All who opposed him were dead, soon his son would heal and he would then become the god of heaven. The only thing still in his way was the heretic too consumed with his own grief to realize the danger he was in. Litouten gestured to the lieutenant standing near him.  
  
"Take him and have his memory erased, then imprison him beneath Kakasan Mountain."  
  
*********************************************************  
  
The sky was perfectly blue and the weather was warm. Big, puffy clouds floated overhead. Big, puffy clouds that resembled meat buns..'Man I'm hungry! I wonder how long till we reach the next town'. As Goku leaned forward to question Hakkai, the jeep suddenly skidded to a halt.  
  
"Dammit Hakkai! Warn us when you do that!!!!" Gojyo snapped after his head had stopped reeling.  
  
Once they had composed themselves, the four men all stared with annoyance at the reason for their sudden stop.  
  
"Damn high and mighty bitch..." Gojyo grumbled and Goku stifled a giggle.  
  
"That's no way to greet a goddess" purred Kanzeon. "and I came to bring you such good news too. Goku, the gods have decided to return your memory to you"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Sanzo demanded.  
  
"Ah well, nothing you'd really understand, my dear Konzen," The goddess smiled at the way Sanzo bristled at the use of his old name. "But if you must know, Litouten has been put out of power and the decision made by him to lock Goku's memory has been reversed by the new ruler of heaven."  
  
Before anyone else could move or speak she sent a burst of light towards Goku and he collapsed. Gojyo caught him to keep him from falling out of the jeep as Sanzo pointed his gun at the goddess.  
  
"What did you do?" The murderous glare he gave was accented by the round fired at her head.  
  
Unfazed, Kanzeon merely gave out a flippant "Wouldn't you like to know." and disappeared.  
  
"Hakkai, get us to the nearest town."  
  
*******************************************************  
  
You promised me food if I followed you here. You big liars  
  
Wow, your hair is so pretty, it's just like the sun.  
  
I'm Nataku, what's your name?  
  
I'll call you Goku, even your monkey brain can remember that.  
  
You can call me Ten-chan!  
  
He's my secret child  
  
Nataku wouldn't kill me he's my friend!!!  
  
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself, my name's Goku. I'm pleased to meet you.  
  
Wait for me, Goku. I'll come back to you. Just.wait.  
  
****************************************************  
  
'What's happening where am I? I'm lying down. It's soft. I guess I must be in a bed. But wasn't I just in a jeep? Oh wait, I can hear Tenpou talking.'  
  
"He's been out for almost six hours now, do you think she hurt him?"  
  
'Poor Tenpou, I've worried him again, I better tell him that I'm fine. No, wait, not Tenpou. He's dead, I saw him die.and Kenren.and.'  
  
"KONZEN!!!!"  
  
Goku suddenly jerked upright, surprising the three other men in the room. They hurried over to the bed and received an even bigger surprise when Goku launched himself at Sanzo, wrapping his arms around his neck.  
  
"Konzen! Konzen! I thought I'd never see you again! I'm so sorry you died, it's all my fault, it's all my..." at this point Goku burst into tears, burying his face into Sanzo's shoulder.  
  
Sanzo stood there unsure of what to do. As a rule, he abhorred physical contact, but at the same time he could sense that something was really wrong with Goku. He looked over at Gojyo and Hakkai. They merely stared back at him with faces that showed equal confusion. Sanzo tentatively reached up with one hand and began to gently pat Goku on the head.  
  
The touch seemed to remind Goku of something. He pulled back and looked Sanzo in the eye. "Konzen..?" he asked a little uncertainly. His eyes watered slightly as a sudden realization hit him. "You don't remember. You don't remember me..."  
  
Sanzo narrowed his eyes at his charge. "How could I not remember you, bakasaru?"  
  
Goku pulled away from Sanzo and dropped back down to the bed with a defeated sigh. "Please leave."  
  
Hakkai chose this moment to voice his concerns, "But Goku, we were worried, are you ok? Did she hurt you? What do you remember? How did." Any further line of inquiry was cut off.  
  
"I SAID GET OUT!"  
  
The uncharacteristic tone caught his friends off guard and made them take him seriously for once. With nothing more than an annoyed "Ch" Sanzo stalked out of the room followed closely by Gojyo. Hakkai hesitated, then left as well.  
  
Goku curled up into a ball and cried himself to sleep  
  
***************************************************  
  
"Ne, ne. Look Konzen! I picked you flowers!"  
  
Konzen looked up from his paper work to see the smiling face of Goku who promptly crawled into his lap and gave him a welcoming hug.  
  
"They're very beautiful Goku, thank you."  
  
Goku blushed happily and looked up at his master a question forming in his mind.  
  
"Ne, Konzen, you love me right?"  
  
Konzen looked at Goku for a minute before answering. "I've told you that I do, why are you asking?"  
  
Goku nervously looked down and mumbled very quickly and quietly, then looked back up at Konzen with a very red face.  
  
"I'm sorry Goku but you'll have to speak up"  
  
"If you love me, why don't you kiss me? I mean really kiss me. Kenren showed me one once and he said that's how people show their love. But you never do. Do you not like me?"  
  
Konzen rolled his eyes and cursed the day Kenren came into their lives. "Of course not Goku, it's just that I'm a good deal older than you are, and I don't think that it would be wise."  
  
"But why? I don't care how old you are! I'll always love you!"  
  
Konzen once again found himself smiling at the naïve ramblings of his pet. "You're still very young, little one, and one day you might find someone you like better than me."  
  
"I'll never love anyone like I do you!" Goku responded right before he sat up and kissed Konzen full on the mouth. It was clumsy, as to be expected, but Konzen found himself responding and deepening it. Until Goku's hands found their way to his hair, bringing him back to his senses.  
  
He pulled back and caught Goku by his wrists. He didn't miss the hurt look in Goku's eyes. "You're too young Goku. If you feel the same way once you've grown, I won't stop you, but now is not the time for this. Ok?"  
  
Goku stared into Konzen's eyes to make sure he wasn't lying to him. "Promise?"  
  
"Promise"  
  
"So.... how old is old enough?" Konzen just laughed.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
The fist thing Goku became aware of was the smell of smoke. He groaned and rolled towards the smell opening his eyes as he did so. He saw Konzen standing by the window smoking a cigarette. 'No. Not Konzen, Sanzo. Konzen is gone.' Goku shook his head as if that would make that nagging voice go away. 'Sanzo is probably upset with me for throwing myself at him like that. He really hates being touched.'  
  
"Full House" The sound drew Goku's attention over to Hakkai and Gojyo who were playing poker at the small table in the room. Goku looked around the rest of the room which resembled almost every inn they had stayed in during their journey. There were three other beds in there. 'They must have all wanted to be in here. I guess I really did worry them'. Goku smiled at the thought.  
  
Goku coughed a little to get their attention. Hakkai looked up and smiled warmly. "Ah, you're finally awake. How do you feel?" Hakkai walked over and sat next to Goku on the bed, checking his forehead for a fever.  
  
"I'm sorry Hakkai. I didn't mean to yell at you.."  
  
"Maa, maa. No reason to worry. We all know you were under a lot of stress."  
  
Gojyo had walked up behind Hakkai and was staring worriedly at Goku, but as soon as he felt Goku's gaze he changed his frown to a carefree grin. "Bakasaru, always gotta be trouble don't you?" The frown returned when Goku didn't rise to the barb. Instead he turned his face away and spoke in a meek voice.  
  
"I remember...everything. Who I am. Where I'm from. Why I was locked away."  
  
This quiet statement was enough to bring Sanzo's attention from the street outside and over to Goku. He had always wanted to know what it was that Goku could have possibly done, but part of him had worried that it was something so bad that the memory of it would hurt Goku. His suspicions seemed to be confirmed as he noticed the lifeless expression Goku wore. He also noticed the way Goku would not look at him.  
  
"Oi, saru."  
  
Goku merely cringed and stared into his lap. He wouldn't face Sanzo. He couldn't. 'Dammit! Stop it!' Goku furiously yelled at the tears threatening to spill once again. He successfully chocked them back and got a fragile hold on his emotions.  
  
"Yes, Sanzo?" 'There, my voice sounded fairly level, right? No. Shut up, no one asked you.'  
  
"You don't have to tell us anything if you don't want to. Your past belongs to you. It doesn't concern us." Goku looked up at Sanzo's words but still refused to look the monk in the eye.  
  
"You're wrong Sanzo. It concerns all of you..I'm the reason you died." At this Goku closed his eyes, not sure what to expect. Would they be angry with him. Disappointed? Would Sanzo turn him away? The idea was heart wrenching and Goku couldn't stop a few stray tears from falling.  
  
"Maybe you'd feel better if you ate something?" Hakkai asked.  
  
"No please, I want to tell you what happened.Even if you hate me afterwards, you have a right to know."  
  
Hakkai held Goku's gaze trying to gauge his emotional stability. He was worried that Goku might be trying to face too much too soon. Upon seeing Goku's look of determination, his face relaxed into his usual smile and he returned to the table with Gojyo. Sanzo remained at the window and lit another cigarette. Goku took a depth breath and began his tale.  
  
*********************************************************  
  
".there were just too many soldiers.Tenpou fell first, followed quickly by Kenren..and then...Konzen..he...he..." Goku took a second to compose himself. He had left out the part about himself and Konzen being in love, because he didn't think the others would understand. He didn't want to seem too emotional about Konzen so they wouldn't ask too many embarrassing questions. After a brief silence Goku continued, "One of the guards came at me, but Konzen shielded me.. I saw the sword go through him...I heard his last words...saw the light leave his eyes.." at this point Goku was unable to stop the tears, but he didn't care anymore. He was lost in the memory of the past. He hugged his pillow and cried as though Konzen had just died again. And, in a way, he had.  
  
Gojyo and Hakkai exchanged looks. Years of living together had made them close enough to speak without talking. They both got up from the table and left the room. Sanzo stood still and waited till they were gone. Once they were he walked over to the door and locked it. He needed to be there for Goku, and he didn't want Hakkai and Gojyo to see it. He silently thanked them for understanding.  
  
After the life he had lived it was hard for him to show his emotions. Goku was the only one who had ever seen any true moments of kindness or weakness. In a way he didn't mind showing Goku, but it was a side no one else could see. Only his saru. Sanzo walked over to the crying figure and laid his hand on his back. Goku looked up, startled. He had thought everyone had left him. His emotional state made him less aware than he normally would have been. Goku almost didn't believe the look on Sanzo's face, but he knew what it meant and he accepted the invitation. He wrapped his arms around Sanzo.  
  
Sanzo shifted them around so he was leaning against the headboard and Goku was on his lap. He put one hand around Goku's back and ran the other through his hair. He murmured into Goku's hair in the same way his master used to do for him if he ever had a nightmare. His heart broke at the sight of Goku in this state. He couldn't remember anything about this past life that Goku claimed he had. And that fact seemed to hurt Goku very deeply.  
  
"I'm sorry, Goku, I'm so very sorry" he whispered.  
  
Goku couldn't believe it. He was back in Konzen's arms again. If Sanzo only knew what he was thinking he would be sure to throw him to the ground with disgust. But he would enjoy this small happiness while he had it. He had at one point fallen in love with the monk, but had never acted upon it. He was sure that the feeling was not returned, and had come to terms with that long ago. He could live without his love as long as Sanzo never showed favoritism to anyone else but him.  
  
But that was before. Before he remembered Konzen. Before he remembered what it felt like to be loved. Not just loved, but loved by Konzen. He knew what it entailed. He knew what it was to have someone smile just for him. To be the bringer of happiness to that person. To know that he felt the exact same way. Then to know that he would never feel that again was almost too much to bear. For now though, he could pretend Sanzo did love him, and that would be enough to get him through the night.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Sorry if anyone came across as to OOC. This is my first fic, so I'm still getting used to it. And I know Goku spends a lot of this chapter crying like a girl, but he'll get tougher soon, promise. ^_^ 


	2. When I look at you

A/N: Oi vey, I have so much more sympathy for you authors out there, and never again will I bug someone about slow updates! I've been neglecting my school work all week to get this done @_@ but here it is. Thanks to my sister for proofing it for errors and general dumbness. And thanks to all who reviewed! *^_^* ::throws chocolates:: I should also prolly add, since this confused my sister, this is somewhat AU and takes place during season two. Nowhere in particular, just after the first episode and before the last XD  
  
On3: You know, my sister said the same thing, I was trying to write a happy fic too..oh well guess you can't have romance without a little angst, ne?  
  
WilfireFriendship: Yes, and he'll do quite a bit of that ^_^  
  
Ami the 13th: Thanks a lot! I like your stories! So thanks for reviewing mine!  
  
Gohans yoyo: I hadn't really planned on it. I wrote this fic cause I was sick of only finding GojyoxHakkai stuff, but since you asked so nicely I'll put a little in just for you ^_^ not sure about seiten taisei just yet, have to see where the story goes.  
  
Gallatica: Hint taken, but not quite yet. I'm glad you liked it. I'm all about the fluff XD  
  
Firedraygon97: Thanks a lot, I'll try not to be too long @_@  
  
Gokusgal: Thank you for saying so. It's nice to get an opinion from the "other side" ^_^ one of my sisters isn't really into shounen ai either, thank you for not blasting me.  
  
Once again:  
  
Characters not mine  
  
'.......' signifies thoughts.  
  
Slight spoilers if you're unfamiliar with Gaiden  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Three beds stood empty in the dark room, while one contained two figures. Sanzo stopped his contemplation of the ceiling to look down at the young man in his arms. Or at least make an attempt to. Sanzo returned his gaze to the ceiling and cursed the darkness because it meant he wasn't able to look at Goku which is what he really wanted to be doing. 'Just to make sure that he's ok, of course'  
  
"Konzen" There was that name again. Goku kept saying it. Was he smiling when he did? Did his face have that look normally reserved for Sanzo? Or was it happier? Sanzo tried his best to fight the rising jealousy, reminding himself for the umpteenth time that night that it was stupid to be jealous of oneself. If only the sun would rise.  
  
The grey light of predawn began to permeate the room giving it a subtle light, which unfortunately was not quite bright enough to allow one to distinguish one grey object from another. That didn't stop Sanzo from trying, however. He looked down at Goku and once again tried to gauge the boy's emotions. Goku shifted even closer to Sanzo in his sleep, "mmm Konzen, look what I got you."  
  
'What's so great about Konzen anyway? I'm strong, and I take care of Goku. Hell, I saved him. If it weren't for Konzen he never would have been in that mess to begin with. Inconsiderate bastard. He didn't deserve Goku. I've given him everything he could ever need.'  
  
The room was now light enough to see clearly, and the look on Goku's face was enough to stop Sanzo mid-rant. He'd never seen such an expression of pure contentment as the one he saw now. He traced Goku's features lightly with his fingers and smiled sadly as Goku sighed and leaned into the caress. 'But have I ever done anything to make him as happy as he looks now? What did Konzen do that I haven't?'  
  
The sunlight now streamed through the windows shining directly on them. Sanzo knew he should get out of bed before Goku awoke in order to preserve his dignity, but he couldn't make himself move. Instead, he laid there enjoying the warmth of another body lying next to his and absently played with Goku's hair while he tried to figure out why he was jealous.  
  
He was willing to admit that he cared for the saru, not out loud, of course, but he knew, and he was sure that Goku did too. What more could there be? Sanzo studied the peaceful face before him and waited for answers that would not come.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
'Don't wanna get up yet' Goku snuggled his face into Konzen's chest trying to escape the light pervading his pleasant dreams. He loved waking up with Konzen. Being held in arms stronger than his own made him feel so safe. Unfortunately, he couldn't get his face deep enough into Konzen's chest to escape the light that kept calling him back to wakefulness. He sighed happily as he became aware of the hand caressing his hair. Still groggy, he leaned over and kissed Konzen on the cheek and muttered "Good morning, Konzen." He then stretched languidly and smiled back up at _Sanzo_.  
  
Goku froze. 'Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh. Wait, is Sanzo blushing?' The two just laid there staring at each other. Each one desperately trying to think of something to say to make the awkwardness of the moment go away. Mercifully Goku's stomach broke the silence for them.  
  
The sound was enough to enable Sanzo to pull himself together and put his mask back on. "So the saru finally got his appetite back." Sanzo looked down at Goku and something akin to concern flickered through his eyes. "How are you?"  
  
"Better now sank you" Goku replied. Another growl pierced the room. "A little hungry though.."  
  
Goku was rewarded with one of Sanzo's rare smiles. "Well then, let's go get something to eat."  
  
****************************************************  
  
Hakkai looked across the table at Gojyo and tried to picture what he would look like as a god. They were sitting in the restaurant owned by the inn waiting for their breakfast to arrive. After leaving the night before they had gotten another room courtesy of Sanzo and had each stayed up quite late lost in their own thoughts. Hakkai was still unsure of what he thought about his past. The way they died was tragic, albeit heroic. He only wished that the situation could have been resolved in a way that would have been less painful for Goku.  
  
"So what do you think of his story?"  
  
Hakkai was shaken out of his reverie by the soft question. He stopped studying Gojyo's features and met his gaze.  
  
"Well, I don't doubt that he's telling the truth. But, still, a god. It's hard to imagine. Though it certainly explains some of Homura's comments."  
  
"That it does." Gojyo took a sip of his sake. "But I still feel as though there was something Goku was keeping from us. Something else he didn't want us to know. And he always gets mad at us for having secrets too, bakasaru."  
  
"If it's important, I'm sure he'll tell us when the time is right. He's been through a lot. I had always taken comfort in the fact that his past was not quite as tragic as our own, but now it looks as though he's had it the roughest." Hakkai frowned as he said this, worrying for the welfare of his friend.  
  
Gojyo reached across the table and gave Hakkai's hand a reassuring squeeze. He quickly removed it, though, and raised it in greeting. Hakkai turned and saw the two men who had just walked in the door. Goku looked as though he had benefited from a good night's rest and Sanzo looked indifferent as usual. As they sat down Sanzo waved a waitress over.  
  
"Two of everything on the menu" was Sanzo's simple command. Goku looked at him gratefully. Sanzo simply turned his head and pretended he didn't see it, but made a point to glare at Hakkai and Gojyo who were giving him huge "You're such a push-over" grins.  
  
Once the food was brought the usual pandemonium ensued. Though no one said anything, the three older men were very happy to see Goku in such high spirits. Sanzo's infamous fan even made a few appearances throughout the meal. Once the dishes had been cleared an uneasy silence settled over the group. Goku's insecurities began to gnaw at him. His common sense told him that they weren't mad at him, but a small voice of doubt kept telling him that this was all just an act.  
  
Hakkai cleared his throat to gain Goku's attention. "About what you said earlier Goku, there's no reason for you to be afraid of our being angry with you. We made our own decisions in that time, and from what I heard we did it quite willingly."  
  
"Besides," smirked Gojyo, "if we were to get rid of you now, there wouldn't be enough people to play Mah Jong."  
  
"Sank you." Goku's smile faded quickly as a thought crossed his mind. "Ne, do you think that Nataku died? He was hurt pretty badly." The question was obviously pointed at Hakkai, the resident healer.  
  
"The wound you described sounded as though it could have been taken care of quite easily if they got to it right away. I'm sure that he was fine." Hakkai reassured.  
  
"But..If he was ok, why did he let me stay locked away for so long? Do you think he was mad at me? If he was really my friend, he wouldn't have left me there. He couldn't have. He would have saved me, I know it. He promised me that he would take me to all the places no one else knew.he promised. He either hates me or he's dead."  
  
Goku stopped talking before he got too worked up again. He was already somewhat embarrassed about his emotional display the day before and didn't want the others to think that he couldn't take care of himself. At the same time though, Nataku was his first true friend, and he didn't want to think that he had lost that.  
  
Sanzo looked over at Goku and wished for the right words to say. His first reaction was to tell Goku that life was tough and to get used to it, but another part of him, not quite as strong, only wanted to see Goku smile again. Unable to chose one action over the other, he simply fell back on what he knew. "Ikuso"  
  
****************************************************  
  
"Haruhetta! How much longer to the next town Hakkai? I'm going to die of starvation!" Goku whined from the back seat.  
  
"if you hadn't eaten our rations last night we might have something to eat you bakasaru!"  
  
"I'm not a saru you ero kappa! So stop calling me that!"  
  
"Urasai"  
  
Both men ceased their bickering at the gunshot ringing through the air.  
  
It had been a two days since the encounter with Kanzeon and things were back to the way they normally were. They were currently in a heavily wooded area, and the shade was a nice relief to the deserts they had been traveling through during the previous weeks.  
  
Sanzo snuck a peak at Goku in the mirror, and noticed that Goku was already using the same means to look at him. Goku flushed and quickly turned away. Something was different with the saru but Sanzo couldn't quite place his finger on it. He knew that he had been the boy's keeper in the past and that Goku blamed himself for a death that was hauntingly similar to his own master's, but these reasons did not seem to explain the sudden shyness that he now exhibited around Sanzo. It irritated him that he couldn't figure out Goku's emotions as they were normally an open book to him. Unfortunately his train of thought was cut off by the unscheduled stopping of Hakuryu. For the second time that week, the Sanzo-ikkou found themselves facing a god.  
  
Sanzo stood up in the jeep and pointed his gun. "What do you want Homura?"  
  
"Nothing much, I just heard the good news that our little Goku got his memory back, and so I dropped by to see how he was doing."  
  
"He's fine, now move, we're in a hurry."  
  
"Now, now Konzen," Homura tsked, "I thought that the news would have softened you up a bit. Having your little pet restored to you."  
  
"What are you talking about? He's been with me for seven years. Start making sense or leave." Sanzo was getting irritated by Homura's leisurely attitude which might keep them from reaching the next town before nightfall.  
  
Homura looked over at Goku and noticed the frightened expression on his face. 'So, he hasn't told Sanzo yet, this should be fun.' Homura opened his mouth to say something else, but then he was suddenly looking up at the sky. He stood up rubbing his jaw and saw Goku staring defiantly at him. "Hit a nerve did I?" He asked while raising his eyebrow suggestively.  
  
"Say one word, and I will kill you."  
  
The two of them stood staring at each other for a tense moment. Homura didn't like the gleam he saw in Goku's eyes. He really had hit a nerve and could sense that, god or no, it would be hazardous to his health to continue to do so. He made his exit and Goku was left standing angry and out of breath. He slowly turned around to meet the curious faces of his companions. He quickly averted his gaze and climbed back into the jeep without a sound.  
  
********************************************************  
  
They had reached the inn a little after nightfall and had gotten two rooms. Though he normally stayed with Hakkai, Sanzo had shared a room with Goku ever since the night they spent together a few days ago when Goku had gotten his memories back. Sanzo sat on the edge of his bed pretending to read his paper, but he was actually studying a very distraught looking Goku. Homura knew something that Goku obviously didn't want them knowing, and he had upset Goku this afternoon by his appearance. 'Just one more reason why I have to kill him.' Sanzo smirked.  
  
'Dammit. I can't believe that Homura knows. He's going to tell Sanzo, I just know it. Then Sanzo'll be super pissed at me.' Goku groaned and let his head fall back against the wall.  
  
Sanzo looked up from "reading" his newspaper at the sound. Goku was sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest and was currently employed beating his head repeatedly against the wall.  
  
"Oi saru. I don't think that you can afford to lose much more brain matter."  
  
"Huh?" Goku hadn't realized what he'd been doing. "Sorry..Good night Sanzo." Goku laid down and pulled his covers over his head to block out the candle light. He didn't want to think anymore. There was just too much going on in his head. Konzen, Sanzo, Homura, Nataku..too much pain to be dealt with tonight. Goku closed his eyes and escaped into his dreams.  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Konzen jerked awake at the sound of his name being called. It took him a second to orient himself. The thrashing sounds coming from the floor quickly told him what was going on. Goku was having that dream again. He sighed, got out of bed, and walked over to Goku's side.  
  
"Konzen, don't leave me! I promise I'll be good. I will. Come back!!!"  
  
Konzen scooped Goku up and carried him back over to his bed and laid the both of them down. He had become familiar with this routine and knew that being close to Goku calmed him down in his sleep and kept him from having to deal with the monkey waking up in tears. As he got settled and wrapped his arms around Goku he felt the saru immediately relax into his embrace.  
  
"Konzen?"  
  
He raised his eyebrow, this was new. Goku normally slept through the night with this method.  
  
"What is it Goku?" He cringed at his tone. He didn't mean to sound impatient, but the damn bakasaru kept interrupting his sleep.  
  
"Please, I need a reason." Goku turned around and faced Konzen with pleading eyes.  
  
Konzen looked back at him and wondered if he would ever understand the way that monkey brain of his worked. "A reason for what?"  
  
"For why you won't leave me. You say you won't but my nightmares won't go away" Goku was obviously trying not to cry. He knew it annoyed Konzen and he needed Konzen to take him seriously.  
  
"Bakasaru. I won't leave you because" The words caught in his throat. He knew the reason well enough, but to admit it out loud? He didn't think that it would be a good idea to let Goku know how he felt.  
  
"Please Konzen tell me" The tremor in Goku's voice was enough to make Konzen's chest constrict. If he didn't tell Goku then he would continue to suffer in this way and the last thing he wanted to do was cause Goku unnecessary pain.  
  
"Because I love you too much to ever let you go. Now go back to sleep"  
  
Goku's nightmares never returned after that night.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Sanzo's eyes snapped open, the dream still startlingly vivid in his mind. 'What was that?' Try as he may to dismiss the dream as merely that, his knowledge of his past life kept him from doing so. A part of him just knew that it was real. That he had lived that. Lived it with Goku. 'But I told him that I loved him.' Suddenly the look on Goku's face when he realized that Sanzo "didn't remember him" swam in front of him. 'No way.'  
  
He turned to look at Goku. Thankfully there was a moon tonight. He frowned as he realized that Goku was not sleeping peacefully. He was tossing and turning and mumbling incoherently. Sanzo got out of bed and walked over to Goku's.  
  
"Please, please don't leave me..Sanzo..."  
  
Without thinking, Sanzo climbed into the bed next to Goku and pulled him into a comforting embrace. Just as he had in the dream, Goku immediately relaxed and returned to his tranquil sleep. However, Sanzo did not return to his bed.  
  
******************************************************  
  
In the heavenly region, golden eyes that had been dead for 500 years slowly blinked as life returned to them. He turned his head and looked around. "Goku?" He had felt it. It was time to wake up. But he had expected his friend to be there when he did. He tried to stand up, but realized that his legs were asleep. "How long have I been here?" he wondered to himself.  
  
"About five hundred years, give or take."  
  
The young man turned his head at the sound. "Kanzeon. Has it really been that long? What happened? Where's Goku?"  
  
The goddess merely smiled. She loved it when things got interesting. "My dear boy, we have much to discuss..."  
  
******************************************************  
  
Yay! All done! I was watching the flash back episodes from season 2 last night and decided that I just had to bring Nataku in cause I loved him too much not to! 


	3. Back to you

AN: So, I've been spending all of my time reading Naruto mangas instead of writing this story, I'm up to number 14!!! They're so good ^_^ In any event, I had kind of a hard time writing Nataku since he's not in the series all that much. Hopefully I didn't do too terrible a job of it. @_@ Also, there's a lot of Gojyo POV in this chapter, mainly because I haven't done anything for him yet. And lastly, we're going to pretend that Kanzeon's pool is like a big VCR ^_^ Don't care if it really is, it will be for my story.  
  
Ami the 13th: Sank you ^_^ I quite enjoyed that myself.  
  
Gohans yoyo: so funny story, my little sister was beta reading that chapter for me and she kinda gave me a funny look and said "are you making this story hakkaixgojyo?" I just laughed and shrugged ^_^  
  
Gallatica: took a little longer this time @_@ that was my favorite scene, just picturing the look on Sanzo's face makes me smile.  
  
Anael Razualle: haha, ok there's a lot of Nataku in this one, and some homura at then end XD  
  
Roy: thanks man, and I didn't really think of who the new ruler was, so I just made up an anonymous person cause the thought of Kanzeon being in charge is just too scary!  
  
'...' thoughts  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
Down the hall from Sanzo and Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo were sharing a much smaller room. Gojyo had thrown a fit over being put into it, but had stopped complaining once Sanzo's gun had been drawn. They were the only two rooms left in the inn, and, naturally, Sanzo got the best one. After playing a quick game of poker on Hakkai's bed -their room didn't have a table - the two men turned in.  
  
Halfway through the night Hakkai began to toss and cry out as though he were in the middle of a fight. At first it was subdued, but it eventually escalated to the point where it roused Gojyo from his sleep. Gojyo immediately jumped out of bed thinking that they were being attacked by a demon. Once on his feet he tried to make a move towards the sound, but he tripped over one of his boots and fell flat on his face.  
  
This was enough to wake him up fully, and he realized that Hakkai was just dreaming again. He carefully felt his way over to Hakkai's bed and sat down next to him. He was used to this, as Hakkai had often dreamt of Kanan. But those dreams had stopped awhile ago. And the sounds he was making now were different from the ones associated with those dreams. He sounded as though he were fighting for his life.  
  
Gojyo reached down, taking hold of Hakkai's shoulders and shaking them gently. "Hakkai, Hakkai, c'mon man wake up." Gojyo looked down at Hakkai but was unable to see anything in the dark. Damn monk got the nice room while he and Hakkai were stuck in one with no windows.  
  
He shook Hakkai's shoulder's again to try to wake him from whatever dream he was having. Hakkai reacted by striking out with a fist. Gojyo caught it then gave Hakkai a more violent shake which caused Hakkai to sit up so suddenly that Gojyo had to jerk back to avoid a bloody nose.  
  
Hakkai sat there for a minute trying to regulate his breathing and his heart. Images from his dream still flashed in front of his eyes. The soldiers. Konzen on the other side of the room shielding Goku. The sword that slashed through him. Never seeing what befell Konzen, Kenren or Goku. Slowly his thoughts began to become more ordered and he looked up at the presence on his bed.  
  
He thought he recognized the silhouette. "Kenren?"  
  
Though aware of his former name, Gojyo was taken aback by the question. "No, well not technically."  
  
"Oh, Gojyo. It's you." Hakkai sounded almost surprised.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. You were being so damn loud I couldn't get any sleep." Gojyo turned away a little and crossed his arms in feigned annoyance. Hakkai had lived with him long enough to know that it was his friend's way of showing concern.  
  
"Forgive, me. I didn't mean to bother you." Hakkai paused wondering if he should tell Gojyo the reason for his nightmare. 'He's my best friend. I tell him everything as he does me. And I'd really like to talk about it.' Decision made Hakkai said, "I dreamt of our last fight in heaven. Of my death."  
  
Gojyo was silent for a few moments, digesting the information. Then, "Do you think it was just caused by Goku's story?"  
  
Hakkai shook his head then smiled to himself as he realized that Gojyo probably couldn't see him do so. "No, it was different from his story. I knew things that Goku didn't know. There were details that Goku hadn't described to us. Like, we had taken your commander hostage in order to save Goku after he had passed out in his true form. And even now, I can remember it. Just like I can remember when we met."  
  
"You think it was a memory?" Gojyo didn't mean to sound incredulous, but the whole idea seemed pretty bizarre to him.  
  
"It might have been." Hakkai gave a frustrated sigh, ran a hand through his mussed hair and spoke in an agitated manner, "I'm not really sure. I just know that I remember it, and other things too. Not much, just snippets. My library, you and your sakura tree, Konzen's office. It's odd."  
  
Gojyo placed a comforting hand on Hakkai's shoulder. "Don't get upset man. We don't need to have all of the answers tonight. Just go back to sleep and try to dream of the good times."  
  
Hakkai placed his hand atop of Gojyo's and stayed there for a minuted enjoying the companionship. Finally he gave Gojyo's hand a squeeze and laid back down. "Hai, hai. Goodnight Gojyo."  
  
"Goodnight." Gojyo got up from the bed and walked back to his own. As he laid down and closed his eyes he saw a quick flash of Hakkai with longer hair and glasses surrounded by books. But sleep overtook him and eradicated any chance of his pondering the image.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
Kanzeon led Nataku over to her reflecting pool. She sat on her chair and watched the flowers float on the water. "If you want to know what happened, this is the easiest way to show you." She extended her hand towards the pool, and Nataku found himself watching his fight with Goku.  
  
His eyes widened as he saw Goku transform into his true form. He killed the gods with such ease that it even frightened the ex-god of war. 'I had no idea that he was so powerful. All that time they kept him chained, he could have escaped whenever he pleased. I wonder if he even realized it..'  
  
Nataku could only stare in disbelief as he watched his father pronounce the sentence over Goku. The disbelief quickly gave way to guilt as the 500 years Goku spent under that mountain flew across the water. 'No wonder my father never told me what happened. He knew I would have gone to help Goku. I should have tried harder to find out the truth.' Nataku's hand tightened in anger as the long years of imprisonment passed in mere minutes.  
  
The image slowed and Konzen came to free Goku. Except it wasn't Konzen. Nataku scrutinized the face of the man who reached for Goku and led him down the mountain. No, it was definitely Konzen. His body might be a little different, but there was no mistaking him. He was happy to see that Konzen had found his way back to Goku, even if they didn't remember each other.  
  
The years continued to pass and Goku grew a little bit. Nataku felt sorry for him living in the temple. 'The treat him the same way the gods used to up here.' Tenpou and Kenren eventually joined their acquaintance. 'They're all back together and don't even know it. ' Nataku smiled to see them in each other's company once again. Though they were in different forms, they acted exactly the same way as they did 500 years ago.  
  
Finally, Nataku saw Goku regain his memories and his guilt returned when he heard Goku voice his concerns over their friendship. 'No, Goku, how could I ever hate you? You're the only one who saw me as a person.'  
  
As the images faded Nataku turned to Kanzeon. "You told Goku that there is a new ruler of heaven. What happened to my father?"  
  
"He was ousted by the other gods. He was getting to be very powerful and was in the habit of abusing his position. They feared him and all banded together against him. His life was lost in the struggle." Kanzeon spoke as though she were talking of the weather and not someone's death.  
  
Nataku took the news quietly. He was somewhat saddened by the lose of his father, but after fully knowing how his father had used him and treated his only friend, it was hard to lament it. Nataku chose instead to dwell on happier thoughts. "And there's a new war god. So I no longer have that responsibility."  
  
The goddess affected a look that implied she hadn't thought of that and mused "Well, with Homura around, I guess that is correct."  
  
For the first time in 500 years, Nataku smiled a true smile. "I'm going down there then. I'm going to my friend."  
  
As Nataku disappeared, Kanzeon smiled and settled back in her chair to watch the show. Things that didn't change were so boring.  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Goku woke up feeling very refreshed. He had slept so well the night before. He tensed for a moment as he felt arms encircling him and a body pressed against his back, but quickly relaxed as he realized who it was. 'I wonder what he's doing here. Maybe he got confused and went to the wrong bed..'  
  
He slowly turned around so as not to jostle Sanzo and saw something that he rarely, if ever, got to see. He usually fell asleep before Sanzo did and when he awoke Sanzo was always already up. But this morning Sanzo was sleeping very deeply with a smile plastered on his relaxed face. Goku just stared in wonder. Sanzo was beautiful when he smiled, a beauty amplified by it's rarity.  
  
Goku laid there appreciating the sight and tentatively caressed Sanzo's face. He lightly traced his fingers down Sanzo's jaw line and over his lips as he wondered again why Sanzo was in bed with him. All he remembered was going to sleep last night; he couldn't recall waking up at any point. Not that he was going to complain, this was way too nice.  
  
Goku eeped as Sanzo suddenly pulled him closer and buried his face in his hair. 'If he wakes up now he'll kill me.' But that thought didn't deter Goku from enjoying the feeling. When they were like this Goku could pretend that Sanzo was just a breath away from kissing him and telling him how much he loved him. Granted, it hurt when he didn't, but the false hope was worth the pain.  
  
"Goku." He tensed up at the sound of his name, but relaxed when he realized Sanzo was still asleep. 'Is he dreaming about me?' Goku wondered if Sanzo's dreams were anything like his own.  
  
Sanzo shifted until he was lying with his face in the crook of Goku's neck and his arms around his waist. Goku could feel Sanzo's breath on his skin. The feeling was amazing and painful at the same time. Goku groaned a little and leaned closer to Sanzo.If only it were real. If only he wasn't pretending.  
  
Goku knew that the monk would be up soon but he still brought his hands up and entangled them in Sanzo's hair. How often he had wanted to do so, but didn't, for obvious reasons. He ran his fingers through Sanzo's blond tresses (I hate that word, but I don't want to say hair again.. -_-;;) memorizing the feel of it.  
  
Goku's movements ceased as he realized that Sanzo was awake. It wasn't much, just a slight change in the tempo of his breathing, but Goku knew. He started to pull away but stopped when Sanzo began to lightly rub his lower back. Hesitantly, Goku replaced his hands and continued to play with Sanzo's hair.  
  
'I could wake up like this every morning.' Sanzo thought as he enjoyed, for the second time, the feeling of just being with someone; he let his mind wander back to the events of the previous night. He had had more dreams in addition to the first, mere snapshots of what his life had been with Goku before his death. His suspicions from last night seemed to be confirmed by the saru's current actions. It also explained why Goku was being so funny lately. 'So, he's in love with me, but what do I feel for him?'  
  
As Konzen, he had loved him. And he was ready to admit -to himself- that he loved him now, but didn't know if it went farther than a plutonic love or if he was willing to let it be. It was easy for his former self to love, but as Sanzo, he had a painful past to deal with, in addition to not wanting to lose someone else again. His mantra came unbidded to his mind. "To never again love anything so much that I couldn't bear to lose it." The only problem was, he already loved Goku that much. Would it really be that bad to give into it?  
  
Until he figured that out, it would be best not to talk to Goku about it. He could feel the confusion flowing off of Goku in waves and knew that he should stop torturing the poor boy. He placed a small kiss on Goku's neck, so quick that Goku wasn't even sure if it had happened, and pulled away to look at his pet. Goku's face conveyed relief and disappointment at the same time.  
  
"Ano, Sanzo what are you..." Goku began but let the question die as he found he was unable to articulate his feelings properly.  
  
"You were having a nightmare, and I couldn't wake you up. I thought that if I were close to you, you might calm down." Ok, so that wasn't technically the truth, but it was pretty damn close, and what a saru doesn't know can't hurt him.  
  
"Oh, I see." Goku wasn't sure what he felt about that statement. He was disappointed that Sanzo hadn't just wanted to be with him, but that idea was pretty far-fetched anyway. So he supposed it would be better to focus on the happiness he felt about Sanzo actually taking care of him. His face broke into a huge smile.  
  
Embarrassed by the fact that he had told the saru he was worried, Sanzo sat up and began pulling up his robes. Goku threw his arms around him and mumbled "Sank you." Sanzo just patted his hands and stood up, "Let's go eat."  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Gojyo looked around the breakfast table suspiciously. Hakkai was quiet, as usual, but he wasn't smiling. Which was very unusual. Sanzo seemed to be his normal apathetic self, but every now and again Gojyo caught him looking at the saru and smiling??? It was always gone quickly, but he was sure that he saw it. As for the saru, he seemed happier than he's ever been in his entire life. Well, dreamy might be a better description He was so out of it that when Gojyo tried to start a fight by stealing a dumpling, Goku merely smiled and handed him another. It was official, Gojyo needed a drink.  
  
He was about to flag down the waitress when he felt it. He looked at his friends and they all quickly stood up and left the restaurant. The four men quickly walked down the street towards the edge of town. Not that they really cared about the town itself, but they were tired of having the restaurant they were eating in destroyed before they had a chance to finish their meal.  
  
Gojyo called forth his weapon and eagerly awaited his morning exercise. The demons jumped out at them and Gojyo smiled thinking, 'Those poor bastards probably think that they're taking us by surprise.' He sliced his way through the two that had just attacked him and looked around for any more.  
  
Hakkai and Sanzo were finished as well. He tossed them a lopsided grin. "That almost wasn't worth the walk. How many were there, ten?" He looked over at Goku who was still fighting, "C'mon you bakasaru, what's taking you so long?"  
  
Goku was currently engaged with two demons, nothing he couldn't handle. But as he turned to answer Gojyo a third one who had been hiding between the buildings came at Goku. Sanzo immediately brought his gun up, but before he could fire the demon was in pieces. The other two followed him to the other world shortly after.  
  
In their place stood a young man about Goku's height. He was built small but was obviously very muscular, and in his hand he held a huge sword that almost seemed too big for him. He was wearing loose fitting black pants and a close fitting white top and his hair was tied up on top of his head. The most noticeable thing about him, however, were his golden eyes. Gojyo stared at him and felt a small spark of recognition, even though he felt as though he would have remembered meeting such a youth.  
  
The young man had yet to look his way; his eyes were fixed on Goku. Gojyo looked back and forth between the two, trying to gauge the situation. The stranger seemed uncertain, as though he wanted to speak, but had no idea where to begin. Goku's face went through several emotions before deciding on the strongest one.  
  
"Nataku!" he exclaimed as he threw himself at the god who looked immensely relieved and happily returned the hug. The two began laughing and talking excitedly. So excitedly that Gojyo was unable to keep up as the two voices melted into one. "What brings you here? Where have you been? Are you ok? I've missed you. What happened? How much do you remember? How's your shoulder?"  
  
Finally the two seemed to realize that they were merely spouting questions without offering any answers. Goku slung his arm around Nataku's shoulders and turned to introduce his friend to his companions. "Guys, this is Nataku. That's Sanzo, the one next to him is Hakkai, and that stupid ero kappa is Gojyo." Gojyo's protest was cut off by Goku's stomach. He looked over at Nataku laughed. "Let's go finish breakfast! I'm starving!"  
  
*******************************************************  
  
The meal had been quickly eaten and the plates cleared away. Goku looked over at Nataku and wondered how to begin. During the meal they had kept the conversation light, and Goku was pleased at the ease with which he and Nataku had slipped back into their friendship, but now he wanted to know what had happened. Nataku met his gaze and understood its implications. He gave a reassuring smile and said, "Ask me anything Goku. I have no secrets to hide from you."  
  
Relieved Goku began his inquiry. "I was so afraid that you had died. What happened?" He stared at Nataku with unmasked curiosity in his eyes. Hakkai and Gojyo seemed attentive as well, while Sanzo merely continued to read his newspaper.  
  
"After I turned my sword on myself, I lost consciousness and was unable to see what happened to you. I woke up some time later in my room bandaged up. I stayed in bed for a couple of weeks until I could move with minimal pain."  
  
"Why didn't you, I mean, didn't you want.." Goku stopped speaking when Nataku looked at him sadly and turned his head away to stare at the table. Goku hadn't meant to upset him, but the thought that Nataku had ignored him hurt.  
  
Nataku spoke in shaky voice, "I asked about you every day. My nurse wouldn't say a word. No one else came to see me, so I didn't have the chance to ask anyone for information. Finally, when I was better, I went to see my father and demand answers. He wouldn't tell me anything though. He said I should forget I ever knew you and leave it at that." Nataku paused to quell the rising anger. The truth of what had happened was still fresh in his mind, and he had not yet come to terms with his father's betrayal.  
  
"Did you leave it at that?" Nataku looked over at Sanzo who had lowered his paper and was giving him a look that clearly said 'You better not have' Nataku, already upset over the memory, was incensed by the monk's insinuation. He slammed his hands on the table and stood up leaning towards Sanzo:  
  
"Of course I didn't! Every time I saw him I asked him about Goku! I searched all over heaven! When I had searched every inch of it I came down here to look!" Nataku caught his breath and continued quietly. "I did everything I could, but my father forbade anyone from telling me the truth so it was hard to find out anything. As soon as he discovered that I was going to earth he put guards around me to keep me from going." Nataku's last statement belied the tears he was fighting.  
  
"Have you spent the last 500 years in heaven under guard?" Hakkai questioned gently, not wanting to upset Nataku more than necessary. Nataku sat back down and spoke in a more controlled tone:  
  
"No, not exactly. One day I overheard my guards talking about you three dying while trying to protect Goku. They got interrupted before I could hear anything about Goku, but I assumed that he had died in the battle as well. When I thought that he had died because of me, I couldn't take the guilt. I blamed myself for all of your deaths, and I locked myself away in my mind. I've spent the last 500 years in a coma relieving the memories of when we were together."  
  
Goku looked up at his friend with a somber expression. He was happy that Nataku hadn't abandonded him, but he couldn't rejoice in light of his friend's obvious pain. He had only one more question to ask "Why did you wake up?"  
  
"I thought I heard you calling to me, but when I opened my eyes you weren't there. Kanzeon found me though, and she filled me in on what happened." Nataku turned and looked at Goku, his expression and tone full of his remorse. "I'm so sorry Goku. I am the cause of all of your pain."  
  
The two sat contemplating the other. Nataku slightly worried over Goku's reaction, and Goku overcome by the fact that he was actually reunited with Nataku. Finally, Goku's face broke out into his famous grin. He turned to Sanzo: "Nataku can come west with us right?"  
  
Nataku released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and looked at Sanzo as well. Sanzo's reply died in his throat as he looked at the two pairs of golden eyes silently pleading with him. No man, no matter how much of a cold hearted bastard he would like to think himself, can resist such a look. Sanzo hid behind his paper and grunted his consent.  
  
Goku and Nataku jumped up and gave each other a high five. "C'mon Nataku, let's go play before we have to leave!" The two boys left the restaurant at a run laughing the whole way. Sanzo lowered his paper and watched them leave with a contented smile on his face. A smile which fanished at the sight of the smiles on Hakkai and Gojyo's faces.  
  
"Urasai."  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Homura stared out of one of the many windows in the throne room that he had taken from that youkai. As he gazed over the earth he thought of the new world that he would create using the power of Seitein Taisei. His musings were interrupted when Zenon phased in.  
  
He looked around the room to make sure that they were alone before addressing Homura. "I have urgent news. Nataku has awakened and joined up with the Sanzo party."  
  
Homura turned to face his general "Has he really? That will interfere with our plans of taking Goku"  
  
"It may harm us in a different way." Zenon checked again to make sure they were alone, then leaned forward lowering his voice. "I don't think that Shien will have the stomach to fight him."  
  
"True." Homura turned back to the window, "Make sure this news is kept from him for as long as we can."  
  
"What good will that do? He's going to find out eventually."  
  
Homura let a smile play across his lips as a plan formed in his mind. "Don't worry, I intend to kill Nataku before that happens."  
  
******************************************************  
  
DUNDUNDUUUUUUUNNN!!!! *sigh* I guess I'll start studying for my test now.. Hope you liked it ^_^ Oh, and does anyone know the name of the tower that Homura uses as his base of operations? I know I did a crap job describing it, but I don't know what it's called or the name of the youkai he took it from. 


	4. Why do you smile that smile?

A/N: So, I decided to drop out of school. Not that I'm saying any of you should. But that's why I haven't been working on my story. I've been reveling in my new found freedom (AKA reading mangas and watching anime) but I had an epiphany today in my Spanish literature class and so continued the story ^_^ Hooray for class. Apparently it's good for something, ne? Sorry if it's crap, but I wanted to get it done and up. I was excited about my ideas ^_^  
  
Reviews:  
  
TK: yay! It makes me happy too ^_^  
  
Ami the 13th: Of course not. I love Nataku! See! ::hugs Nataku:: people I love don't die! ^_^  
  
Goku-chan2002: hee hee, how's almost a month for soon? ::looks sheepish::  
  
Duo Lover 2x1: I have to end it like that or else you won't read the next one ~_^  
  
Naruko-chan: Thanks so much! I'm glad that you like it. *^_^*  
  
'...' thoughts  
  
slight Gaiden spoilers  
  
Shounen-ai, but if you've gotten this far, you already know that ^_^  
  
Chapter 4: (sorry so boring, but I'm crap with titles @_@)  
  
The sun shone brightly overhead, but that light became subdued underneath the canopy of trees. The shifting shadows made it a little harder to discern between real shapes and tricks of the eye. He had good vision, but was out of practice using it. He closed his eyes and tested his other senses.   
  
The forest was alive with sounds. The animals called to each other, and the wind rustled through the branches. He stood perfectly still trying to discern one particular sound from the rest. Unfortunately, he couldn't hear the one sound he wanted to.  
  
His entire body was tense. He was being hunted and he knew it. He needed to relax, if he was too tense then he wouldn't be able to think clearly. He took a deep breath and tried to calm everything. There, he was at his center now. Once again, he reached out with his senses.  
  
He had had his fair share of this, but that was long ago. His senses had become dull with lack of use. A new sound disturbed his musing and he shifted his eyes to the left towards it. A squirrel ran out from under the bushes and into a nearby tree.  
  
He unconsciously relaxed and let his guard down. That was his downfall. A blow to his back caused him to lose balance, and as he fell he cursed himself for getting so easily distracted. If only he hadn't grown so lax, he might have gotten away....  
  
"Tag you're it!" Nataku looked up as Goku smiled in victory and quickly receded into the forest to hide. He let a smile cross his own face as he rose to give chase. He was the hunter now.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Back at the inn the three men still sat at the same table, even though Goku and Nataku had left some time ago. The waitress had long since given up trying to serve them. The polite one always smiled and thanked her for offering, but the other two merely sat smoking and staring at the table and a newspaper respectively.  
  
Gojyo wasn't very happy. He raised his cigarette to his lips and surreptitiously glanced at his companions. Sanzo was still smiling, and Hakkai was still gloomy. This was getting ridiculous. Ever since that stupid monkey got his memories back, everything had been thrown off. Sanzo had softened up, Goku had lost some of his genkiness, and Hakkai was being all gloomy and having weird dreams. Hakkai thought that they were real, but Gojyo doubted that. Even though he couldn't deny the small spark of recognition that he had felt upon seeing Nataku.  
  
Sanzo was staring at said newspaper, but his thoughts were more agreeably engaged. He was thinking about the look of pure joy that had been on Goku's face almost continuously since Nataku's arrival. He loved to see Goku smile. He remembered when Tenpou had told him that they couldn't help wanting to see Goku smile, and it was still true. Goku's happiness was more important to him than anything. Sanzo decided to tell Goku that he remembered the past -their past- and that, though he had changed greatly, his feelings had not. It would be hard for him to say, but it would make his saru smile....  
  
Hakkai sat petting Hakuryu and trying to gather his courage. He wanted to tell Sanzo about his memories returning, but feared the same incredulousness that Gojyo had responded with. 'I suppose it can't be helped. There's something Sanzo needs to know about him and Goku. I'm tired of seeing Goku upset.'  
  
"Sanzo" Hakkai began somewhat hesitantly. The impatient look Sanzo gave him was enough to make him speak, "I've been having strange dreams."  
  
Sanzo raised an eyebrow. "About your past?" Hakkai looked up quickly at the comment and Sanzo took it as an affirmative. So Hakkai had remembered as well. "Have you remembered everything?"  
  
"Yes, I believe so. At first there were some blanks but they've filled in." Hakkai cast a sidelong glance at Gojyo and quickly averted his gaze.  
  
Sanzo studied Hakkai's countenance and saw the same feeling that he had been struggling with recently. He glanced at Gojyo as realization dawned. "I take it Gojyo hasn't." Gojyo took a drag off of his cigarette and continued to stare at the table. Sanzo tried to gauge his emotions, but Gojyo was pointedly ignoring them both. Sanzo looked back at Hakkai "I have also regained my memories."  
  
Hakkai looked surprised at first but then let his face slide back into its usual smile. It was nice to know that he wasn't the only one who remembered. It also meant he could bring up a subject that had been bothering him since he discovered the real reason behind Goku's moodiness. "Then you know that Goku-"  
  
"Yes."  
  
The shortness of Sanzo's reply worried Hakkai a little. He didn't want Sanzo to hurt Goku, but it seemed hard to imagine that he would accept Goku as he had in the past. He was much colder than Konzen ever was. "What are you going to do about it?"  
  
Sanzo let a small smile cross his face. Though he said nothing, Hakkai had his answer, and he smiled in return. "Good, I'm glad. It'll be nice to have him happy again. He's been so down lately."  
  
"What are you two talking about?" Gojyo spoke in annoyance. He had dismissed Hakkai's dreams the other night as fantasy, but now Sanzo was saying he remembered too. He knew he sounded petulant, and really didn't mean to, but he was sick of being left out. He couldn't help but wonder why it was that he remembered nothing. The whole situation was pissing him off.  
  
Hakkai looked over at Sanzo, as if asking permission, and at Sanzo's nod he said, "Goku and Konzen were in love."  
  
Gojyo's eyes widened and he looked at Sanzo who sat there staring back at him with an "I dare you to say it" expression. Gojyo was not intimidated. He looked at Sanzo with obvious disdain. "That's not natural. What's wrong with you?"  
  
Hakkai was taken aback by his friend's reaction. He was normally understanding, but lately he'd been behaving very strangely. "What's wrong with that Gojyo?"  
  
"Don't tell me you're ok with this Hakkai. You can't be. It's wrong."  
  
Hakkai stood up so forcefully that his chair fell backwards. He spoke with barely veiled contempt for his friend's behavior. "Well, I wouldn't expect an _ero kappa_ like you to understand anyway." And with that he stalked out of the restaurant. Hakuryu added an indignant cry before following after.  
  
Gojyo moved to go after him but stopped when Sanzo said: "I don't care what you think about me, but if you ever repeat any of that to Goku, I will kill you."  
  
Gojyo glared at him then left to find Hakkai. Sanzo watched him go as he took the last drag off of his cigarette. He felt sorry for Hakkai. At least his former lover still loved him. He supposed that Goku would understand what Hakkai was going through better than he could. 'Speaking of the saru' Sanzo smirked and went to look for him. The sooner they talked the better.  
  
***************************************************  
  
Shien stared out over the landscape. 'I'm here Nataku-sama' It was that time of year again. The time when he would revisit his last battle fought with Nataku-sama.  
  
Shien couldn't help but scoff at the language he had used to describe it. He had never truly fought with Nataku-sama. All he had ever done was stand by and watch him do all of the work. After all of this time he was still ashamed of himself. He wondered for the hundredth time if he could have helped Nataku-sama. If he had stood up for him the way that Goku and the others had, would things have been different? Would the light still be in his leader's eyes? If, if, if. His life had been reduced to "if only"  
  
He looked down at the town below him. So peaceful. The sight sickened him. How could they be so happy when so many innocents suffered in this world. He pulled out his weapons and began to break apart trees and rocks to vent his frustration out on this world that had caused so much pain.  
  
****************************************************  
  
Gojyo looked around the street trying to see which way Hakkai went. He saw him turn a corner and raced after him. "Hakkai!" Hakkai kept walking, if anything he sped up. Gojyo began to run and soon caught up with him. He reached out and grabbed Hakkai by the arm, disturbing Hakuryu who left Hakkai's shoulder for a safer perch.  
  
"Hakkai, wait up!" Hakkai finally stopped and turned to face Gojyo. Hakkai was angry. Very angry. Gojyo knew that he was being stupid by pushing him, but he was mad too dammit and he wanted answers. "Hakkai, what is your problem?"  
  
Hakkai's eyes flashed at the question. "My problem? My problem is that I just found out that the man I had considered my closest friend is a bastard! How could you say those things about Goku?"  
  
Gojyo bristled at the words. He didn't really care who Goku loved. He was just shocked and said the first thing that came to mind. He'd be damned if he would admit that right now though. Instead, he let his pride dictate his next comment. "That kind of love is not normal."  
  
"Love?" Hakkai actually laughed at the word, and Gojyo grimaced at the bitterness within it. "What the hell would you know about love? Your longest relationship lasted till when? Breakfast?"  
  
That had actually hurt. Not many people were able to inflict emotional pain on Gojyo. He tried to defend himself. "Now wait just a-"  
  
"No! You shut up and listen to me!" Hakkai cut Gojyo off without a second thought. He was more than angry, he was hurt. Hurt by the one person he had always thought would understand. "Goku has loved him for 500 years and has committed his life to him. They truly care for each other and accept each other for who they are. When have you ever done that? Taken the time to have conversation beyond 'My place or yours?' You dare to judge them you slut?"  
  
Gojyo lunged at Hakkai, but Hakkai was quicker. He struck out viciously and knocked Gojyo to the ground. He spun on his heel to hid his tears from Gojyo. Before he left he said. "If you cannot accept us, then you had better go back home, we don't need a divided group."  
  
Gojyo sat in shock staring at the retreating back of his best friend. As the words sunk in he felt wetness on his cheeks. He brushed the tears away, but the pain stayed.  
  
Kami-sama it hurt.  
  
****************************************************  
  
Goku stopped by a river to get a drink of water. He and Nataku had been playing for awhile now, and Goku could tell that Nataku was regaining his reflexes. It was no longer easy for Goku to track him. He had actually just lost him. Which wasn't a good thing since Nataku was currently after him. He needed to relocate his friend soon if wanted to successfully avoid him.  
  
He stooped down and drank some water out of the river then gazed down critically at his reflection. Maybe he wasn't cute enough. Maybe if he were cuter, Sanzo would notice him. He was so absorbed in self-doubt that he didn't feel Nataku's presence. However, he did feel the cold water as it surrounded him. He came to the surface sputtering. He mock glared at Nataku who was laughing hysterically.  
  
Still chuckling, Nataku walked over the river's edge and extended a hand towards Goku, "Come my friend there is a place I want to show you."  
  
They walked upstream in companionable silence. The sound of running water became louder the farther they walked. The trees opened and before them laid a serene pool and a waterfall. Nataku walked out onto one of the stepping stones, and inhaled the scent of the water and trees deeply before turning to face Goku.  
  
"It's beautiful" Goku breathed as he looked around. As a creature of the earth, he was acutely aware of the beauty that so many people often overlooked because they were too caught up in life to stop and enjoy the view. "What is this place?"  
  
"It was here that I completed my last job as the god of war. I told my general Shien about you here. I told him that I wanted to take you around heaven and show you all of the places that no one knew about. That I would wait for you, even if it took forever." Nataku's face grew sad as he got caught up in the past.  
  
"But it didn't." Nataku looked up quizzically. "It didn't take forever." Goku smiled then looked over Nataku's shoulder. Nataku turned to see what Goku was looking at only to get a face full of water. Goku laughed down from the rock that Nataku had so currently been inhabiting. "Now we're even."  
  
"Not by a long shot" was Nataku's reply as he grabbed Goku's ankles and pulled him into the water.  
  
****************************************************  
  
Gojyo walked dejectedly towards the edge of town. His first reaction had been to go to a bar for some companionship but Hakkai's words kept rolling through his head.  
  
Slut  
  
So what did it matter if he was? He enjoyed the company of women. Was it a crime to love many women? Gojyo looked back at the town he had just left then walked into the surrounding woods and sat down beneath a tree.  
  
What the hell would you know about love?  
  
Nothing. He knew nothing. How could he possibly understand it? He never had it. If he couldn't get his mother to love him, how could he expect anyone else to? That's why he never could commit to one woman. He knew that once she found out what he was she would abandon him. Just like his mother. Even his brother had left him. And now....now Hakkai was leaving him too....  
  
'What I really want is for someone to save me'  
  
Gojyo leaned back against the tree and let unconsciousness take him.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Shien dropped to the ground, breathing heavily. Everything within the radius of his whips had been demolished, but he didn't feel any better. If anything, he felt worse because he knew how much Nataku-sama loved nature.  
  
That was one of the things that he had longed to show Goku. To share his special places with someone who would appreciate them, not destroy them. Shien hauled himself to his feet and began to move towards the alcove where he and Nataku-sama had had their last conversation before he retreated into his mind.  
  
As he neared it, he heard voices. One he recognized immediately as Goku's. He stopped walking for a moment. He was not in the mood to fight today. The second voice made him start walking again and he soon broke out into a run. He ran soundlessly and was soon at the water fall. He was careful to hide his chi as well as his body as he peered at the scene before him. He immediately felt as though his heart had stopped.  
  
"Nataku-sama"  
  
**********************************************************  
  
Meh, that's shorter than my other ones, but I think I'll end it there anyways ^_^ The scenes with Shien are really short, but I don't know him very well.. And, in case you missed it, Gojyo's last thought before falling asleep is an actual line that he said that was taken from an episode. I can't remember the exact one, but I really like the line. Once again, sorry if it sucked ::bows:: ^_^ 


	5. Can you say forever?

AN: Ok folks, time for the fluffy stuff. Last chapter was way sad, I'm ready for the boys to make up, how about you? ^_^ I rewrote the Sanzo and Goku scene at least a hundred times, I just couldn't find a scenario that I liked. I finally just left it alone.. Side note, Goku and Nataku are swimming nude (nothing sexual they just wanted to have dry clothes when they finished playing). I'm saying this now cause I couldn't find a good way to incorporate it into the story, so I'm just telling you here! Enjoy! *^_^*  
  
L-chan-sama: haha, I got your review right after I posted the fourth chapter, so you didn't have to wait long at all ^_^  
  
Duo Lover 2x1: I know right! I just love Nataku!!! This is the chapter for you, fluffy goodness ^_^  
  
Gallatica: ah, thank you ^_^ yeah, Hakkai got way emotional there..  
  
Sairu: glad you're enjoying it!  
  
TK: No worries, there is PLENTY of hakkaixgojyo goodness in this chapter!  
  
DivineAngel: I'm glad you think so, my sister says I don't describe enough, so I'm always worried about whether or not I did a good enough job.  
  
Anael Razualle: mmmmmm yaoi *^_^* thanks! You'll prolly like the next chapter more, Homura will be in it a lot...  
  
Kawaii Pancake: I love the Nataku Goku tag scene, I had that written way before the rest of the chapter came to me. nice to see Hakkai get angry, ne? p.s. I love your fic!!!! ^_^  
  
Kit-kat: yeah, he's not being nice right now, but he gets better I promise!  
  
'..' Thoughts  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Hakkai walked through the woods feeling more alone than he had in his entire life. Normally, the peaceful forest would have been a nice respite from all of the noise he had to live with on a regular basis, but today the silence amplified and mocked his solitude.  
  
He had been so stupid. For the past three years he had kept himself carefully guarded. Always smiling, never letting anyone see what hid beyond that smile. It was important to him that people believed he was happy. That he didn't wake up every morning with a broken heart.  
  
But today was too much. He couldn't hide the pain today. Ever since remembering his past, Hakkai had been troubled by it. He began to see how much he still cared for his red headed companion and longed to be able to hold him again. When Gojyo had expressed his disgust at Sanzo and Goku, he had crushed all of Hakkai's hopes of ever being loved by him. It was too much to hide, and he lashed out at the only person he never wanted to hurt.  
  
Hakkai wiped the tears from his eyes, ashamed at his weakness. He was a man dammit, and he wouldn't lose to this emotion. If that was the way Gojyo was going to be then he would have to deal with it. Put his smile back on and pretend that he felt nothing. No matter what he said earlier, he didn't want Gojyo to leave him.  
  
He stopped short as he came upon the very object of his reflections. There before him lay Gojyo, sound asleep. Hakkai knelt down next to him and caressed his face. There were tear stains there as well as a developing bruise on his cheek from where Hakkai had hit him.  
  
As Hakkai looked down at Gojyo, he realized that he had nothing left. Even his tears had abandoned him. All he could feel was a great void in his soul where its mate should be. His eyes unfocused slightly as he got lost in the past and he whispered brokenly, "You're a liar, Kenren. You promised you'd never leave me. You promised..."  
  
*******************************************************  
  
It was a beautiful day outside. Of course, it was a beautiful day outside everyday, this was heaven after all. What he wouldn't give for a thunderstorm. Kenren sighed and turned his gaze from the window back to his book. He and Tenpou were sitting on the floor of Tenpou's library, and as usual, Tenpou was completely engrossed in his book and ignoring all attempts that Kenren had made to distract him.  
  
Kenren had a book because Tenpou thought that reading might do him some good. But his idea of a good time was not reading about the wars of humans. He sighed again and wished for some sort of diversion.  
  
Apparently someone was listening because at that moment Goku came bounding through the door with a larger than normal grin on his face. Kenren tossed his book aside in relief and rose to meet him. "Oi, saru, what's with the goofy look?"  
  
Goku ran over to Kenren and gave him a hug around his waist. "Guess what Ken-chan! Konzen loves me! He told me so!" After delivering his news Goku began to skip over to the shelves in search of his favorite manga.  
  
Kenren let a wicked smile cross his face, and he pulled Goku back over to stand in front of him. "Konzen told you he loved you, did he?" He knelt down so that he was eye level with the boy and lowered his voice. "Did he kiss you?"  
  
Innocent golden eyes stared blankly back at him. "I don't know. What's a kiss?"  
  
Kenren had to stop himself from laughing, this was way too easy. Konzen was definitely going to kick his ass later, but it would be worth it. He glanced over to where Tenpou was reading to make sure he wasn't listening. Though the brunette god was only a foot away he was totally absorbed in his book. Excellent.  
  
Kenren turned his attention back to Goku. "Kissing is something you do with someone that you love very much. You should go give Konzen one. I'm sure he'd really like it."  
  
Goku's face brightened at the thought of pleasing his keeper. "Ok, that sounds like a great idea! Ano.how do you kiss?"  
  
'Like taking candy from a baby.' The wicked smile turned feral as Kenren said, "Like this."  
  
He reached over and grabbed Tenpou pulling him into his lap. Tenpou let out a shocked cry that was cut off when Kenren began to kiss him. Never one to fight off the advances of his boyfriend, Tenpou leaned into the kiss and began to respond. That is, until he heard a very young voice say, "Wow, that looks like fun!"  
  
Tenpou pulled back in shock and saw Goku watching them with great interest. He glared at Kenren and smacked him on the back of the head. "Just what do you think you are doing?"  
  
Kenren smiled and gave Tenpou his best innocent face. "Konzen told the kid he loved him, I was just trying to help their relationship out."  
  
"That is no reason to corrupt an innocent-" Tenpou stopped mid sentence as Kenren's words fully sank in. He turned to Goku with wide eyes, "Konzen said that to you?"  
  
Goku nodded his head vigorously. "Yes, he said he'd never leave me because he loved me too much to let me go!"  
  
Tenpou's face broke out into a grin. "Oh, Goku that's wonderful news! But that doesn't let you off the hook mister." Tenpou finished as he turned back to his lover.  
  
Instead of meeting his reproachful gaze Kenren flipped Tenpou over so he was straddling him and said, "Now Goku, once you're done kissing you-"  
  
Tenpou frantically slapped his hands over Kenren's mouth and turned to Goku, "Ken-chan and I need to have a little talk, why don't you go pick some flowers for Konzen?"  
  
"That's a great idea! After I give him the flowers I can kiss him!" Before Tenpou could stop him, Goku was out the door.  
  
He let his head fall to the floor in defeat and dropped his hands from Kenren's mouth. "You do realize that Konzen is going to kill us right?"  
  
Kenren grinned charmingly at his partner. "But it'll fun to see how red he gets, ne?"  
  
Tenpou started to protest, but then his face began to get the same evil look that Kenren's was sporting. "We'll have to make sure he doesn't see us."  
  
Kenren laughed and kissed Tenpou on the tip of his nose, "That's what I love about you, and why I'll never leave you."  
  
"Never? That's a long time. What if you get tired of me?" Tenpou asked while batting his eyelashes at Kenren in a playful manner.  
  
Kenren's face became serious as he said, "Nothing could ever persuade me to leave your side. Not even you." This time his kiss was slow and full of emotion. Tenpou leaned into it enjoying the unusual sincerity that Kenren was displaying.  
  
All too soon for Tenpou, Kenren pulled back and traced Tenpou's jaw with one hand. Then his carefree grin was back in place and he stood up. "Now let's hurry, I don't want to miss this." He helped Tenpou to his feet and they both hurried to Konzen's office.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Shien stood dumbstruck watching Nataku-sama and Goku playing in the water. Nataku-sama looked happier than he'd ever seen him. Well, to be honest, he had actually only seen Nataku-sama smile once, and that was when he was telling Shien about his friend. His friend who was now Shien's enemy.  
  
His heart was in conflict for he knew that if he were to stay with Homura, he would eventually have to fight his old leader. And the only reason he was following Homura in the first place was to create a world where Nataku- sama could have been happy. But as he watched him, he saw that Nataku-sama was happy in this world. Very happy.  
  
He scowled as he felt Homura calling for him. He paused a moment, debating what he should do. He wanted to talk to Nataku-sama, but was also loathe to interrupt his happiness. He felt Homura's call again and with a sigh phased back to Koran Tower.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Nataku jerked his head towards the waterfall. For a brief second, he thought that he had felt something - no, someone very familiar. He narrowed his eyes and scrutinized the surrounding area. Whatever it was, it was gone now, and he was unable to place the aura.  
  
"Nataku!" He turned at the sound of his name in time to get a face full of water. "Why so glum?" Goku inquired. They had been having a water fight when Nataku suddenly froze. "Are you sick?"  
  
Nataku smiled and waved his hands in front of his chest, "No, no. I feel fine, I just thought that I sensed a presence. One that I recognize...though I'm not sure from where. But it's gone now so don't worry about it."  
  
Goku studied Nataku's face for a moment before answering. "Ok, if you say so." Goku began to float on his back and unconsciously let out a lovesick sigh as he caught sight of the sun. 'Sanzo..'  
  
Nataku swam over to Goku and leaned over him. "No one's going to want you if you keep that gloomy expression on your face. Cheer up."  
  
"Hai, hai. But it's so hard to be happy right now. Whenever I think of him, it hurts." Goku let a frown fall over his features. Nataku sighed at his friend's antics and pushed him under water.  
  
For the umpteenth time that day Goku came to the surface sputtering for air. "Nataku! I'm trying to think here."  
  
Nataku just rolled his eyes. "No, what you're doing is throwing yourself a pity party. If you want him, go get him. Tell him how you feel. Don't take no for an answer!"  
  
Goku looked at Nataku and was overwhelmed by how good it felt to have a friend to talk to about things like this. He smiled as he considered the advice. "Maybe you're right. Yeah, I should tell him. I will!"  
  
"Great! Here's your chance, there he is." All of the blood drained from Goku's face. He slowly turned around and, sure enough, saw his master walking through the trees. His eyes grew wide and he prayed that Sanzo had not heard what he had just proclaimed.  
  
"Ganbatte, Goku." Nataku placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're wonderful, he'd be a fool not to see that." Goku merely nodded dumbly, his eyes fixed on the man who was slowly making his way towards them through the thick underbrush.  
  
Nataku got an evil glint in his eyes as he saw their clothes lying on the opposite bank drying in the sun. "I'm going to go back to the inn and clean up. I'll take our clothes and wash them. I'll meet you two back there, ok?" Goku turned in horror only to see Nataku wink and phase out, leaving a very naked Goku alone in the pool.  
  
************************************************************  
  
Kenren awoke slowly. His head hurt, he wondered why. As he became more awake, he noticed that the pain was centered on his left cheek. Funny, he didn't remember being in a fight recently. He almost jerked when he felt a hand begin to caress his face, but was able to remain still. He wondered why he hadn't felt Tenpou's approach. He pretended to still be asleep and enjoyed his lover's attentions.  
  
"You're a liar, Kenren. You promised you'd never leave me. You promised..."  
  
Gojyo opened his eyes at those words and stared up into the lifeless eyes of Hakkai. His heart broke at the site and he inwardly winced as the memories of recent events came back to him. He was the reason for Hakkai's pain, and he ached to make the man smile again. He reached up and put his hand over the one on his face.  
  
Hakkai started at the touch, unaware that Gojyo had awakened. "Sumisen." he muttered and began to draw away, but Gojyo didn't let go of his hand. Instead he held it and looked closely at Hakkai.  
  
Hakkai began to blush under the intense scrutiny and once again tried to back away. Gojyo reached out with his other hand and gently placed it on Hakkai's face. "Don't go." The request was spoken softly.  
  
"I would never leave you." Hakkai whispered back without thinking. When he realized what he had said and the emotion with which he had spoken it, Hakkai turned his eyes away and winced. 'As if he wasn't grossed out enough by Sanzo and Goku..'  
  
Gojyo turned Hakkai's face back towards his own and forced him to look him in the eyes. "I didn't lie to you, Tenpou. I'm still here, and I refuse to leave."  
  
Hakkai opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come out. He had to be dreaming. There was no way that this was real. He was suddenly aware of their diminishing proximity. Slowly his eyes slid shut as he felt Gojyo's hand draw them closer together.  
  
*********************************************************  
  
Sanzo pushed away branches in disgust. He had been following Goku's aura for some time now, and could sense that he was almost there. 'Why the hell is he so far from the town?' Sanzo frowned in irritation at the vegetation that dared to stand in his way.  
  
He shoved the final branch aside and stepped into a clearing. He quickly took in the beautiful scenery. Lastly, his eyes settled on a surpassingly beautiful sight, Son Goku standing in waist deep water, his perfectly formed torso glistening in the sunlight.  
  
'Kami he's perfect..' He shook himself out of his reverie and noticed that Goku was staring at him with a terrified expression. He frowned in annoyance. "Oi, saru. What's wrong?"  
  
Goku started at the question and immediately submersed himself up to his neck. Then, he gave a nervous laugh and "nonchalantly" said, "Nothing, nothing at all. What makes you think something's wrong? I'm fine."  
  
Sanzo didn't believe him for a second, but decided not to press it. Instead he looked around the pool "Where's Nataku?"  
  
Goku put a hand behind his head in an embarrassed - but what he thought of as relaxed - manner . "Oh, he went back to the inn so we could talk."  
  
Sanzo raised an eyebrow and almost smiled. "Talk? About what?" He did smile when he saw the look of panic cross Goku's face.  
  
'Dammit!' Goku mentally kicked himself. "Ano.well..you see..." He trailed off and stared embarrassedly at the water.  
  
Sanzo decided to stop teasing Goku and get to the point. "Actually I do need to talk to you."  
  
Goku looked up with open surprise and curiosity. "Honto?"  
  
"Hai," Sanzo motioned into the woods. "Come over here out of the water, so we can talk."  
  
Goku's face went from deathly white to furiously red in record time. "We can talk here, can't we? I mean, there's no real reason for me to get out.." Goku's voice faltered under Sanzo's gaze.  
  
"I want to have a conversation with you, and I can't do that with you floating around in the water. Get out."  
  
Goku knew that tone of voice well, and before he realized it, he had swam over to the bank and was climbing onto the shore. Halfway out of the water he froze. Sanzo sighed in exasperation, reached down and yanked Goku out of the pool and onto dry land.  
  
Goku found himself on his knees, dripping wet, and staring up in mortification at Sanzo who was staring right back, eyes and mouth open in shock. Sanzo cursed inwardly. He knew he should look away, but he couldn't. Goku finally regained enough of his senses to use his arms to cover himself. Unfortunately, his voice still wasn't working. He felt his entire body grow hot as he blushed from head to toe.  
  
'Well, I guess now's as good a time as any.' Sanzo undid his robe draped it over Goku's shoulders covering his nude form. "Goku." Sanzo waited, but Goku merely sat there, staring in humiliation.  
  
Sanzo frowned when Goku refused to respond. He reached out and cupped Goku's face with his hands. Goku's eyes seemed to refocus at the touch, and he was now staring confusedly up at Sanzo instead of blankly. Sanzo wrestled between his cold side and his newly found emotional side as he tried to word his confession.  
  
"Che, I guess there's no easy way to say this." Sanzo murmured, more to himself than Goku. He knelt down and said, "Goku, I want you to know that I.I.."  
  
Sanzo lost his train of thought as he got lost in the golden eyes that were gazing into his so trustingly. He decided to give up on speaking and instead gently pulled them together placing his lips on Goku's. At first, Goku was too shocked to respond, but it didn't take too long for him to fling his arms around Sanzo's neck and deepen the chaste kiss.  
  
Sanzo pushed Goku backwards so they were lying on the ground without breaking contact. When they finally had to stop for air, they parted just enough to breathe, their mouths only an inch apart. Goku finally found his voice, "Sanzo.what..why..?" However, coherence still alluded him.  
  
Sanzo rested his forehead against Goku's and simply stated, "I figured that 500 years is plenty old enough."  
  
Goku's felt the hope that he had been suppressing fill his entire being. "Konzen?"  
  
"Hai?" Sanzo answered without thinking. Goku was left breathless. Those eyes that were looking so expectantly into his own, he knew those eyes well. Konzen had finally come back to him.  
  
Goku smiled, "Iie, nothing."  
  
"Bakasaru" Sanzo closed the small distance between them and began to make up for the centuries they had spent apart.  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Hakkai came out of the bathroom drying his hair with a towel as he did so. Gojyo followed close behind him. "Well, that was refreshing." He smiled roguishly at Hakkai's look of exasperation.  
  
"I don't know how we ever got clean. Don't you ever quit?" Hakkai asked as he began to pick his clothes up from where they had been carelessly thrown around the room.  
  
"You should know the answer to that" Gojyo came up behind Hakkai, who was currently looking for his shirt, and pinned him against the wall.  
  
Hakkai lovingly pushed against him. "Stop it, we have to go to dinner, the others will miss us"  
  
"And you're point is?" Hakkai looked at Gojyo with a face that would not take any more argument. Gojyo sighed and pulled away. "Spoil sport" He smiled at Hakkai's laugh.  
  
They finally got dressed - with much interruption from Gojyo - and went downstairs, only to find Nataku sitting alone at a table set for five. He smiled in greeting at the two men as they joined him.  
  
"Where's Goku?" Gojyo inquired as he plopped down and lit a cigarette.  
  
Nataku gave a knowing smile and replied. "He and Sanzo are talking" He made sure to emphasize the word 'talking' to insinuate that they were doing anything but.  
  
"Really, about what?" Gojyo leaned forward conspiratorially. He figured he had a pretty good idea, but wanted to know for sure. Nataku leaned forward to speak, but at that moment Sanzo and Goku walked into the room.  
  
Goku was blushing and grinning like an idiot while Sanzo had a decidedly smug look plastered on his face. Their clothes were rumpled and their hair was very messy. As they walked to the table, Sanzo reached over and pulled a leaf out of Goku's hair.  
  
Gojyo looked between the two of them then leered at Goku, "Oi, saru, why are you wearing Sanzo's robes?"  
  
Sanzo - who had yet to forgot Gojyo's earlier comments - glared at Gojyo "What's it to you?"  
  
"Maa, maa." Hakkai broke in before a fight could start. "Don't worry about him, Sanzo. Gojyo's had a change of heart since you saw him earlier."  
  
Sanzo's glare softened minimally and he nodded in understanding. He sat down without further threat.  
  
Nataku smiled over at Goku. "How'd the 'talk' go?" Goku's answer was merely a deepening of his blush. Nataku laughed and motioned towards the empty seat next to him.  
  
Goku shook his head, "No thanks, I'll stand."  
  
Nataku, Hakkai and Gojyo stared at Goku in shock, then slowly turned their attention to Sanzo. He pointedly ignored them and flagged a waitress down.  
  
Gojyo laughed "Ero houshi." His laugh was cut off by a bullet flying dangerously close to his face.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
Shien and Xenon knelt in front of Homura awaiting his orders.  
  
"Xenon and I will be going after Son Goku tonight, I'd like you to stay here and look after things."  
  
Shien was immediately suspicious as he never got left behind, but he merely bowed his head and answered "Hai."  
  
Homura and Xenon phased out of the room. Shien remained kneeling, warring with himself over which master to chose. His face betrayed none of his inner conflict to those watching him.  
  
The guards posted at the door studied him curiously, wondering why he hadn't moved in a while. They were about to inquire after his health when he suddenly disappeared from the room.  
  
Shien stood outside of the inn and watched the five men inside eating dinner. He had made his decision. He would follow his master even into death. He felt Homura and Xenon behind him and slowly turned to face them.  
  
****************************************************  
  
Sorry, if some of the dialogue, or lack thereof, sucked, but I'm not that great at writing "mushy" stuff. Also, what do ya'll think? Should Shien die? I have a few possible endings that I'm toying with, but if any of ya'll have an opinion on the matter, I'd love to hear it ^_^ 


	6. Back at the beginning with you

A/N: Gomen, minna-san! It took me so long to get inspired for this chapter! ::bows:: Ok, so there's a fight in this chapter, but I'm telling you now, it sucks. I'm not that great at action, I just like the interaction between characters. So if the "fight" is a little ambiguous, that's why. ^_^ Oh and there is also a blatant disregard for the townspeople and buildings.  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed my oneshot Yuki! I appreciate it very much ::glomps:: *^_^*  
  
Reviews:  
  
Ami the 13th: ok, I won't. Since you asked so nice ^_^ and I love one day miracle!!  
  
Iapetus: Yes, I quite enjoyed the stealing of the clothes as well. And Goku dressed up as Sanzo is so kawaii!  
  
Anael Razualle: Hooray for purple roses! ^_^ Sank you!  
  
Ran Mouri: I know right, I cannot wait for him to wake up in the manga! *sigh* Those are my favorite episodes from season two. I love Nataku!  
  
BlueJadeAL: Thanks for saying so. I appreciate you giving it a chance.  
  
Ethereal-tenshi: Sank you, sorry that it took me so long to update.  
  
Lazeralk: I'm always nice to Goku! Well, almost always..  
  
Bakazaru Boi: I always read the most fanfiction when there's school reading to be done. Nice to know I'm not alone ^_^ Fluff makes the world go round!  
  
*DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN GET SOME GOOD GOKUXSANZO FANART????* ::puppy eyes::  
  
'..' Thoughts  
  
"." Spoken  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Homura and Xenon strolled through the small town at a leisurely pace, taking their time to get to their destination, as gods are wont to do. Xenon walked slightly behind Homura, assailed with doubts about whether or not they were doing the right thing.  
  
He had known Shien a long time, a lot longer than he had known Homura. Together, they had both sworn allegiance to the new god of war, for they both hated the world in which they lived. But, if Shien were to see that Nataku had awakened, would he still wish to follow through? Was it wrong for them to not even give him the chance to choose?  
  
He gave voice to his concerns as they neared the inn. "Are you sure it was a good idea to leave him behind? I can't help but feel as though we should have told him"  
  
Homura did not stop or turn around. He simply kept walking. His answer was short. "No. This is the way it must be." His mind was made up. Nothing would stop him from destroying this world. He had come too far to back down now.  
  
As the two gods approached the inn Homura raised his eyebrows in interest while Xenon's eyes opened in horror -- someone was blocking the way. Shien stood, his back to them, with his whips in his hands. He turned at their approach and opened his eyes to glare at them.  
  
"If you wish to go any further, you must first kill me."  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Nataku smiled over at Goku. "How'd the 'talk' go?" Goku's answer was merely a deepening of his blush. Nataku laughed and motioned towards the empty seat next to him.  
  
Goku shook his head, "No thanks, I'll stand."  
  
Nataku, Hakkai and Gojyo stared at Goku in shock, then slowly turned their attention to Sanzo. He pointedly ignored them and flagged a waitress down.  
  
Gojyo laughed "Ero houshi." His laugh was cut off by a bullet flying dangerously close to his face. At the sound of the gunshot, the restaurant fell silent and all attention turned towards the noisy table in the corner.  
  
Gojyo jumped up, enraged. "You shitty monk! One of these days you're going to hit me!!!"  
  
Sanzo merely smirked. "If your daily deeds are good you won't get hit."  
  
"My daily deeds!? What about you, monk? Monks are supposed to be celibate not screw in the woods!" Gojyo had yelled this quite loudly and the already attentive crowd gasped at the accusation.  
  
The waitress who had come over blushed furiously and made a vain attempt to take their order. "Ano..eto.."  
  
Sanzo, seemingly oblivious to the crowd of onlookers, cocked his gun and placed it against Gojyo's head. He spoke softly, but menacingly, "I'm not supposed to kill either."  
  
"Maa maa..." Hakkai stepped in front of Gojyo, while Goku tried to pull Sanzo away from the other man. Nataku just laughed at the antics of the former gods. Any further violence was prevented, however, as the five suddenly froze upon feeling powerful auras nearby.  
  
"Shien." Nataku whispered. All eyes turned to him, faces dawning with realization. The young god quickly rose and exited the room, the Sanzo- ikkou hot on his heels.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
Homura called forth his sword and then addressed Xenon without turning from his opponent, "I do not ask you to choose sides Xenon, only to stay out of the fight."  
  
The exiled god simply nodded dumbly, looking back and forth between his companion and leader, his loyalties confused.  
  
Homura turned his full attention to Shien and smirked arrogantly. "Do you really think it wise to challenge me? You know you cannot win."  
  
Shien dropped into a defensive posture and snapped his whips. "I gave my word that I would follow you, but that does not extend to the killing of my true master. Let's get this over with."  
  
"As you wish." Homura moved forward to strike, but stopped as the door to the inn burst open.  
  
Nataku ran over to his former general waving happily, "Shien! It's me! Shien!" He halted when the gravity of the scene in front of him sank in. He looked from Shien to Homura, noticed their weapons, and the smile slid from his face. "Shien, what's going on?"  
  
"Please stay back Nataku-sama this man means to kill you." Shien motioned Nataku back towards the inn.  
  
Homura bowed in mock respect. "How nice to meet you at last, Lord Nataku. I thought you'd never wake up."  
  
"Who are you?" Nataku demanded.  
  
"Do you really not know?" His tone was laced with aggravation. This is not the way he wanted things to play out. 'I can only hope that I can end the fight with Shien before Nataku gets involved, I can't take them both.'  
  
"Homura?" At his nod the young man continued. "So you were the one who took my place. Why are you fighting Shien?"  
  
Homura regarded the younger god haughtily and spoke condescendingly to him. "I need Son Goku for my plans and I cannot take him if you are guarding him. Therefore, I must kill you in order to do so. And now Shien has the impertinence to stand between me and you so I must kill him. Troublesome really."  
  
Nataku closed the remaining distance between Shien and himself. He put a hand on his arm and pleaded with one of the few gods he had respected. "Shien you cannot fight him. He is a god of war. It's true you are strong, but you don't stand a chance."  
  
Shien looked down at Nataku, surprised and warmed by the concern in his eyes. He smiled. "I must fight him, my lord. Do not keep me from serving you as I was unable to do in the past."  
  
Homura, weary of the chit chat, attacked, aiming for Nataku. Shien pushed the young man out of the way and blocked Homura's sword with the hilt of his whips. The two men began to fight in earnest, moving with such speed that it was difficult for the others to follow.  
  
"Shien!" Nataku moved forward to help his friend but instead found himself staring at the back of a leather jacket. Xenon did not face Nataku, but kept his eyes fixed on the battle. "Shien has regretted letting you down for 500 years now. Do not deprive him of his chance to redeem himself. You have no idea of the guilt he has lived with."  
  
Nataku stood helplessly staring at the battle going on in the middle of the town. He felt Goku walk up beside him and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Neither of them spoke, but Nataku was grateful for his support. He watched with growing dread as the battle continued.  
  
Shien had been holding his own fairly well against the war god, but Nataku and Homura had been correct. There was no way for him to win the fight. Homura pushed Shien back and he fell to the ground roughly. Homura then swung his sword and released the fire dragon from it. Shien tried to bring his whips up to block the attack, but in his heart he knew that it was too powerful for him to repel.  
  
With a small cry Nataku phased out from behind Xenon and appeared in front of Shien, his sword deflecting the attack. He turned his head slightly towards Shien and spoke so only the two of them could hear. "I never wanted you to fight my battles for me Shien. What I really wanted was for you to fight with me."  
  
Shien looked up at Nataku, eyes wide with disbelief and hope. Nataku smiled down at him, then switched his blade from a defensive to an offensive position. He attacked so quickly that Homura had no time to react. Nataku's blade cut through his chest, severely wounding him.  
  
Homura fell back hands flying up to staunch the blood flowing out of him. Xenon quickly went to him, and the two phased out, back to Koran tower.  
  
Nataku ran over to Shien's side. "Daijoubu?"  
  
"Hai." Shien smiled at the relief that flooded Nataku's countenance. " Arigatou."  
  
"Iie. Don't worry about it." Nataku couldn't help the smile that flew over his face. He stood and offered Shien a hand up. "Come eat with us. We hadn't even ordered yet."  
  
Shien looked doubtfully over at the Sanzo-ikkou who were still standing by the front of the inn eyeing him unconcernedly. "Is that really ok?"  
  
"Yeah, let's go. I'm starving!" Goku proclaimed loudly, earning himself a disdainful glance from Sanzo.  
  
"Bakasaru" Though the word was the same, the tone held notably more affection than those present had ever heard the monk use before.  
  
Goku smiled up at his lover and winked "Gotta get my strength back, ne?"  
  
Sanzo let out a "Che" then quickly turned to go inside in order to hide his blush. Goku laughed and ran in behind him. Hakkai and Gojyo smiled knowingly at each other and walked in together. Shien took Nataku's proffered hand up and the two walked in behind the other four.  
  
They returned to their previous table, much to the embarrassment of their waitress, who promptly pulled over another chair for Shien. "Can I get you anything else, sirs?" She asked while trying not to blush.  
  
"Two of everything on the menu." Sanzo ordered and raised his credit card at the shocked look of the waitress. "Put it on this."  
  
Goku grinned at the thought of so much food. "I can't wait till it gets here! I'm so hungry!!" Sanzo glanced over at Goku and fought the grin threatening to break out.  
  
The food arrived and everyone dug in heartily. When Goku and Gojyo began to argue over the last meat bun, Sanzo hit Gojyo over the head with the fan and handed it to Goku.  
  
Gojyo was a bit put off by Sanzo actions, as he would normally hit the both of them to end the fight. "What now that you're sleeping together you won't hit him?" Instead of replying Sanzo shot a few bullets past his head. "Shitty monk!"  
  
Hakkai grabbed Gojyo and pulled him down. He whispered something to him that quieted him down.  
  
After dinner Sanzo stood and grabbed Goku by the wrist. "I'm going to bed. If anyone disturbs me before sunrise, I'll kill you." With that he dragged Goku from the room. The startled boy gave a meek wave to his companions before stumbling after his love.  
  
Gojyo let out a big yawn and then winked dramatically at Hakkai. "Yeah, I'm beat too, best be off to bed. Prolly gonna have an early start in the morning."  
  
Hakkai grinned at his precocious lover. "Oh yes. I'm practically asleep right here." He stood and bowed to Nataku and Shien. "Oyasumi."  
  
"Oyasumi!" Nataku replied with a grin as the two men practically ran from the room. He turned to Shien, who had been quiet all through dinner. "Care to talk about it now that they're gone?"  
  
Shien smirked mirthlessly. "Am I that easy to read?"  
  
"To me you are." Nataku smiled then gave an encouraging look. Shien sighed and stared into his drink.  
  
"I wasn't able to help you, again. I had promised myself that next time you needed assistance I would be the one to give it. I failed." Shien opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his arm. Nataku shook his head from side to side then looked at Shien, who gasped at the emotions he saw written in those eyes.  
  
He spoke softly, but sincerely. "That's not true. You were loyal to me and fought to the best of your ability. Aside from Goku, you're my best friend." Nataku stood up and tugged on Shien's arm. This time he spoke more jovially, "C'mon you can stay in my room with me!"  
  
Shien smiled and followed.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Goku continued to stumble after Sanzo down the hallway to their room. "Ne, Sanzo slow down! How do you walk in these damned robes anyway?" Goku's statement was punctuated by his tripping over said robes into Sanzo's back.  
  
Sanzo turned around and eyed Goku who stared up cutely at him. He reached down and picked Goku up, slinging him over his shoulder for the rest of the walk down the hall.  
  
Goku cried out indignantly and began to kick playfully. "Sanzo! Put me down. I can walk."  
  
Sanzo ignored him and walked into their room, locking the door behind him. He tossed Goku on the bed and immediately climbed on top of him and began kissing him.  
  
When they parted, Goku laughed "Oh, this is much more comfortable than the ground."  
  
Sanzo smiled and flicked Goku on the end of the nose. "I don't remember hearing you complain then." Goku opened his mouth to reply, but found he had nothing to say, so he closed it and pouted.  
  
The site was too irresistible, Sanzo closed the distance between them and kissed his saru for all he was worth, causing the boy to arch up into him. Sanzo moved from Goku's mouth down to his neck where he was hindered by clothing.  
  
"What do you say we get rid of these 'damned robes'?" Sanzo asked softly, as he pulled the robes down to expose Goku's torso. Sanzo took a second to enjoy the site of Goku below him, breathing heavily and flushed with desire that radiated from his eyes. He smiled and returned his attention to Goku's neck.  
  
Before, when they were together in the forest, Sanzo had been driven by an almost frenzied desire to claim Goku as soon as humanly possible. But now, they had the entire night ahead of them, and Sanzo had every intention of taking his time. He slowly moved his hands over Goku, memorizing the feel of his entire body and the taste of his skin.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
Sunlight poured into the hotel room, illuminating the two naked figures on the bed. A sheet had been haphazardly thrown over them before they drifted off into peaceful oblivion, and now they laid tangled up in each other's arms. Nataku smiled down at Sanzo and Goku, happy that his friend had found love at last.  
  
He carefully reached over to Goku and shook his shoulder slightly. Goku's eyes opened sleepily, and it took him a second to recognize the blur in front of him as his friend. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and smiled up lazily, "Good morning."  
  
Nataku returned the greeting, then held up a handful of clothes. "I thought I should return these before I left." He carefully placed Goku's clothes on the bedside table.  
  
Goku's eyes widened, "You're leaving? Why?" He tried to sit up, but Sanzo's arm tightened around his middle, preventing movement.  
  
Nataku sat down next to Goku and tried to ease his distress. "Just for a little while. Shien and I are going back up to the heavenly region for a time. We have much to catch up on. Do not worry, this is not good-bye. We'll see each other again."  
  
Goku stretched his hand towards Nataku, "Promise me. Promise me you will return."  
  
Nataku shook his hand, "Of course I promise. And as soon as you're done with this little errand of yours, you're coming up to heaven with me for a visit. I still have all of those places I promised I'd show you."  
  
"It's a promise then." Goku laughed weakly as he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm going to miss you my friend."  
  
"And I you, but I have a feeling that you won't have much of a chance to be lonely." Nataku joked while casting a glance at the arm Sanzo had possessively wrapped around Goku's middle. He stood then and took one last long look at Goku before smiling. "I'll see you soon."  
  
"You can count on it." Nataku phased out, leaving Goku alone again.  
  
Sanzo mumbled something in his sleep that sounded suspiciously like a certain saru's name and pulled Goku closer to him. Goku pushed the sadness of Nataku leaving aside and nestled himself deeper into Sanzo's embrace. Before drifting off again, he had one last thought.  
  
'No, not alone. I'll never be alone again.'  
  
~Owari  
  
A/N: Well there you have it! My first fic! *sigh* Thanks so much for reading it! I left Nataku and Shien's relationship somewhat up in the air on purpose. Take it as you will. I know that it ends a little bit unresolved, but since it takes place during the second season, just pretend that they beat Homura in the same way, but this time minus Shien. And with Nataku popping in from time to time! XD And in case you were wondering, it's unresolved because Shien wasn't a part of my original plot, I really just wanted to get Goku and Sanzo together and I did that, so, in my mind at least, chapter five was the last one.. Ok, gonna stop writing useless babble that no one reads anyway now...  
  
If any of ya'll have the time, my little sister wrote a Saiyuki fanfic. It's called "Fate Plays Her Hand" and her name is Sai Orlianna. If you get a chance read it! Thanks! *^_^* 


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